From Indian Lakes – Absent Sounds

Did I take too long
Did I ask too much
I didn’t love you as much as I could
And the silence is killing me now

The Patriots just won the Super Bowl last week and I have been on cloud nine ever since. I am still basking in their glory. The Patriots completed the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history, but that also means the Falcons completed the biggest collapse in Super Bowl history. The majority of victories include defeats. As well as most defeats include victories. But life can also be very different than sports. It doesn’t have to be a win-lose. Yet our wins come many times at the expense of others when they don’t have to.

This reminds me along with the song “Runner” on From Indian Lakes’ Absent Sounds about a current victory which came at the expense someone else—the very person I wanted to win. The song deals with death and the many regrets we may have in the midst of it. It talks about the selfishness we only realize when the other person is gone. And lastly it speaks of the inability to change things after death has taken place. And as I ponder this song and my past relationship, I have regrets in my relationship with my fiancé Tory when we were just dating I wish I could change now.

Tory and I started dating at fifteen years old during sophomore year of high school. I was young, dumb, and selfish. And although Tory and I grew older, wiser, and more selfless, I found that my bad habits from the early stages of dating continued throughout the relationship. And there came a point one summer vacation in college where I realized I didn’t have the feelings I once had for Tory. The reason for that was because I had not committed to loving her and growing those feelings in the same way that she did for me. And because of my mistakes and pride, we ended the relationship.

Tory lost at the expense of my selfishness. And even though, since then, Tory and I were able to restore and renew our relationship and I am committed to loving her in a way I never did before, Tory still had to unnecessarily suffer because of me.

I don’t regret breaking up. I regret all I did which brought us to that point. The break up gave us space to think and re-evaluate the relationship. It gave me time to work on learning how to love her and put others ahead of myself in all things. But it wouldn’t have been necessary if I hadn’t treated second fiddle to myself.

We are getting married in about four and a half months and it will be the second biggest victory of my life (#JesusIsTheRealGOAT). And just like with most victories come a loss, most losses come with a victory. Despite this loss, out came a wonderful win. And I couldn’t be happier to celebrate it with Tory and our loved ones.

Album Artwork:


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